Childhood Anxiety

Anxiety is a problem that not only adults deal with but children also. It is estimated in some studies that as many as 3% to 17% percent of children may be experiencing anxiety of some kind. There are many kinds of anxiety including obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), generalized anxiety disorder, social anxiety, specific phobias, post-traumatic stress disorder, and a very common one for children, separation anxiety disorder. It should also be noted that many times when children have anxiety, often they have a parent who suffers from some kind of anxiety also.

Now it should be remembered that some anxiety is normal in children development. For example, many toddlers experience some anxiety when separated from their parents and this anxiety peaks when the child is about 18 months. Also, many children have vague fears such as fear of the dark or of bugs, etc. The point at which it becomes a disorder is if the fear is excessive beyond what would be expected for the child’s developmental level and whether it significantly affects the child’s functioning. It should also be noted that very common symptoms of anxiety are physical complaints such as stomachaches and headaches. The pain experienced is real; they are just caused by psychological factors.

In my own experience, I have found that a main factor that maintains the anxiety for people (both kids and adults) is avoidance. In other words, as people avoid their fears, or avoid what is causing them anxiety, the worse the anxiety gets. Conversely, I have also found that as people face their fears, or in other words, do what they are afraid of, the anxiety will improve. This is often called exposure, and when combined with other techniques, like developing good coping strategies, relaxation and breathing techniques, and support from others, people can usually cope and overcome.

A good example of this comes from my own life. While growing up, I was really afraid of spiders (no thanks to my older sister who held me down and threw spiders on me!). Whenever I was faced with a spider, I would avoid it and subsequently this fear continued until I was a young adult. Then, I married a woman who made me go and kill spiders rather than avoiding them. Anyway, I had to face my fears and subsequently spiders don’t bother me much anymore. The take home message is the same: face your fears!

Bullying

A great question was asked about bullying; particularly how to help victims of bullying and their self-esteem. Bullying can take many forms: it can be verbal or physical, happens to both boys and girls, can be perpetrated by boys or girls, and can be about anything from physical appearance to personal beliefs. Frequently, victims of bullying have few friends and may identify themselves as lonely. As would be expected, victims of bullying often have low self-esteem and may experience other problems such as depression or anxiety. Interestingly, perpetrators of bullying frequently come from troubled families, have their own problems in school, and may have parents who are not significantly involved in their lives.

There are a number of ways to help deal with bullying and its effects. First, parents need to recognize that bullying happens in a number of different contexts. For example, it can happen on playgrounds, at school (in halls or on buses), in the neighborhood, etc. Cyber-bullying, or bullying over the internet has recently received a lot of attention and can have just as many negative effects on an individual as in-vivo, or real-life bulling. Therefore, if a child is being bullied, parents need to recognize when and where the bullying is taking place.

The next step to help reduce bullying is to help the child who is being bullied to make friends. Parents can accomplish this by setting up play-groups or teaching the child skills to help them make friends. Talking and working with other parents with children who could be potential friends for their child to encourage new friendships may also be helpful. Further, talking with the child’s teachers about the problem so they can be aware and monitor for bullying and to also help with forming friendships with classmates can be extremely beneficial.

As mentioned, victims of bullying may suffer from low self-esteem. It is important that parents work to build up the child’s self-esteem by praising them often for their accomplishments and commenting on their strengths. Find opportunities for the child to build on the strengths and talents they already possess. Finally, a very important skill is to teach the child specific pro-social skills and coping skills to deal with the cause low self-esteem rather than avoiding it. As children are able to successfully cope with the bullying through the aforementioned strategies, not only will it reduce the frequency of the bullying, but increase the child’s self-esteem also.