A great question was asked about bullying; particularly how to help victims of bullying and their self-esteem. Bullying can take many forms: it can be verbal or physical, happens to both boys and girls, can be perpetrated by boys or girls, and can be about anything from physical appearance to personal beliefs. Frequently, victims of bullying have few friends and may identify themselves as lonely. As would be expected, victims of bullying often have low self-esteem and may experience other problems such as depression or anxiety. Interestingly, perpetrators of bullying frequently come from troubled families, have their own problems in school, and may have parents who are not significantly involved in their lives.
There are a number of ways to help deal with bullying and its effects. First, parents need to recognize that bullying happens in a number of different contexts. For example, it can happen on playgrounds, at school (in halls or on buses), in the neighborhood, etc. Cyber-bullying, or bullying over the internet has recently received a lot of attention and can have just as many negative effects on an individual as in-vivo, or real-life bulling. Therefore, if a child is being bullied, parents need to recognize when and where the bullying is taking place.
The next step to help reduce bullying is to help the child who is being bullied to make friends. Parents can accomplish this by setting up play-groups or teaching the child skills to help them make friends. Talking and working with other parents with children who could be potential friends for their child to encourage new friendships may also be helpful. Further, talking with the child’s teachers about the problem so they can be aware and monitor for bullying and to also help with forming friendships with classmates can be extremely beneficial.
As mentioned, victims of bullying may suffer from low self-esteem. It is important that parents work to build up the child’s self-esteem by praising them often for their accomplishments and commenting on their strengths. Find opportunities for the child to build on the strengths and talents they already possess. Finally, a very important skill is to teach the child specific pro-social skills and coping skills to deal with the cause low self-esteem rather than avoiding it. As children are able to successfully cope with the bullying through the aforementioned strategies, not only will it reduce the frequency of the bullying, but increase the child’s self-esteem also.
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About Me
- John D. Livingstone, Ph.D.
- I was born and raised in Canada! I grew up with six sisters (I’m right in the middle, three older and three younger), so my childhood experience was pretty unique. I married a beautiful woman from Idaho and have three great kids. I completed my doctorate (PhD) at Brigham Young University in clinical psychology where I focused primarily on the treatment of children and adolescents. I completed my internship at the University of Arizona, College of Medicine, Division of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry. Currently, I specialize in cognitive-behavioral treatment (CBT) for children, adolescents, and their parents. I also specialize in psychological assessment and testing of children, adolescents, and adults. I work in a private practice in Provo, UT.
6 comments:
Thanks so much John I appreciate your insight!!!
Thank you for posting I will link this article to my blogs on bullying. Very good advice. ~ sweetcardomom.wordpress.com
John,
Thank you so much for this insight--Carter has been experiencing bullying at play group for the last few months. I finally stopped going. Actually, I followed all of your advice without knowing that's what a pro would have told me. Thank goodness for inspiration!
Question:
My kids are figuring out naughty words/phrases. What is the best way to deal with that? I find if I make too big a deal (overreact), then it's taboo and they're "sneaky" about it. But I don't want to let it go, because then they won't care or use caution...where's the balance of discipline?? Not to hard, not too soft etc.
In his recent book, Columbine, author Dave Cullen claims that the Columbine killers were mentally ill. This implies that no one was responsible for the attack and it effectively lets bullies and their enablers off the hook.
I outlined my perception of the cause of their hatred in my blog, Columbine 101: Lesson One and I feel that anyone who takes Mr. Cullen's claim seriously is setting the stage for something much worse.
What's your opinion?
I came across your blog by clicking first on a relative's, then on a couple of the blogs of followers of the relative.
Clearly, you are well versed in the modern accepted methods of dealing with bullying and bullies. Sadly, where the bullying occurs in places like school and other locales where parents aren't around to intervene, just having a new cadre of friends who are probably not there at the crucial moment will be of little comfort and even less utility to the child who is being pushed around and intimidated by others.
As with international relations, so it is with individual relations. Sooner or later a person is going to have to accept the responsibility of at least attempting self-defense. Nations which do not or cannot do this are short-lived in History. So, too, with individuals, those who cannot or do not take a hand in their own defense will either not live long or will not live long in society but in some kind of self-imposed hermit-like existence.
What the two killers at Columbine chose to do was evil, pure and simple. If one of them had produced a pistol and fired into a crowd of bullies who were in the act of hurting the boy, I'd have defended his action as one of self-defense. But to plot the killing of unarmed people, most of whom had not participated in their torment, was an act of evil with which I suspect their Final Judge will show little patience.
James D. Haeberle
Chubbuck, ID
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