Rules for Parents

In my last post, I noted that parents are responsible for setting rules and consequences for their children. Well, many parents don’t know that there are specific “rules for parents”. Paul Jenkins, PhD, one of my supervisors and a good friend listed these four rules for parents:

1) Take care of yourself
2) Take care of the team
3) Love your kids
4) Discipline your kids

It should be noted that these rules should be followed in order. Specifically, when a family is stressed (including parents or children), the first rule for parents is to take care of themselves. A parent can’t care for their child anymore than they can care for themselves. Second, parents need to take care of the team. Who is the team? In most cases, it is your spouse, but may include anyone who helps you care for your kids. In almost every case, your relationship with your spouse is more important than your relationship with children. Rules three and four go hand in hand but require balance: too much love and not enough discipline and kids end up with problems. Conversely, too much discipline and not enough love and kids end up with problems.

Many times while working with parents, they appear tired, stressed and burned-out. Often, they are surprised when I tell them to take some time for themselves (such as go out for dinner, do something you enjoy, or something relaxing). If they feel guilty, I explain that if they feel better, they will be much more helpful for their kids. Then, I tell them to go on dates with their spouses or significant others. Then we work on love and discipline. If you parents will follow these rules in order, you will be amazed at how much better you will feel and how much better your kids will do too!